On Crying.

Well, today has been a rough day.

The hardest so far, I would say. I'm not good at this stuff. Kids can be sorta unforgiving. And manipulative. And disrespectful. I'm frustrated that I can't be the kind of teacher that I want to be because of all of the details that are spinning around in my head constantly..and the fact that I'm learning constantly as I go through a class period. There are so many small details that I can never anticipate before they happen. I feel like most of what I do during the day is a reaction to something. And often, unfortunately, the wrong reaction. Ugh. I also feel like a lot of what happens during any given day is not part of the reason that I want to be a teacher. I don't want to sit behind a computer and plan lessons and make power points and note sheets and enter grades and order copies for the rest of my life. Not what I signed up for. But it is part of it, yes. I'm just frustrated that it's taking up a lot of my time while I'm at school right now.

I underestimate the kind of responsibility I have to my students to help them. They have to be my priority. I can't shrug them off..no matter how many impatient questions they ask me, or how many times they lie to me, or how much they dislike the seating arrangement, or how upset they are that they are failing, or how blatantly disrespectful they are toward me. I need to pay attention to them. And I haven't been. It stood out more today than other days...my mental and emotional energy has been spent, and I don't feel like being patient.

I'm so glad that tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully a good chance to fix the things that I missed today, and get things in order right away. Kids are fairly resilient that way. They'll get over it. I'm pretty thankful for that tonight!

Lamentations 3:22-24
²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."