The End of the Beginning

It's weird to think that I'm just a few days from being done with my first year of teaching. I guess it's a big event, kind of like getting a job, or graduating from college, and student teaching, and moving to the cities. Sometimes I wonder if all of this has actually happened, or if I'm about to wake up and realize that I was just dreaming. I'm kind of glad that's not the case. When I think about the last year and a half of my life, there has been a lot of change. (The past year especially.) I think I pretty much blew off the fact that transitioning out of college is a big deal and, really, is different than any other transition I've gone through so far in my life.

For the previous four (ok, well, 22) years of my life I have been surrounded by people who are just like me. People who are my age and mostly in the same stage of life. People who have similar goals and lifestyles and schedules. People who want to grow up but not really. People who don't have husbands or kids and who think eating cardboard pizza at 2am is rational and normal and are just thankful to have a car that (usually) starts.

This past year has been pretty much the opposite of that. It seems like everyone is married and has 2 kids and drives a nice car and have happily settled into the middle of their lives and knows how to cook and take care of their money. I've never felt so desperate to talk to someone between the ages of 20-25 before! I didn't expect to find that I don't really know how to be "friends" with people who are ten (or more) years older than me. Weird. It's also been hard to go without fellowship. I have definitely taken for granted Christian roommates and Christian work environments in the past. I need that connection with other believers more often than an occasional phone call or email from a friend to catch up. I joined a small group at my church in March, and I've been helping teach Sunday School to 3 and 4 year olds. My life has been 500 times more balanced since then. I'm so blessed!

I am thankful that I've been able to teach this year too. Please know that I really do mean that. If you would have asked me in November, or February, I don't know that I could have said that to you honestly. But it's true. It's a hard job, and I've never been so tired in my whole life.. It's a lot different than I thought it would be, so that made it really hard for a few months. I feel like there was a day in November sometime when I was feeling particularly stressed about being a teacher that I consciously thought, "Kendra, this is what you want to do with your life. And, this is the amount of work that it is going to take to do this. So-either stop complaining and get with the program, or find something else to do with your life." It was good for me to be able to put that together. My job is more than planning and grading and making copies. (Thank goodness!) It's so rewarding to be able to work with students and encourage them to set goals for themselves and work hard to reach them. I still have so much to learn about this whole teaching thing. I used to wonder how anyone could do one job for 40+ years of their life. I think I kind of understand now..it takes that long to actually figure it out.

It's really been year of a lot of growth and transition. I think a verse that I have come back to a lot and feel "fits" with my life this year is Jeremiah 18:4,

"But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him."

Now at the end of this year, I am so humbled and blessed to feel certain that the Lord has me here with a lot of purpose for me. Thinking back over the year, I've been stretched in learning to depend on Jesus to take care of me and to help me. I think I am more aware of the weaknesses that I have and how limited I am in my own abilities. I've been frustrated a lot with realizing that. But it's also forced me to grow into a sweeter dependence on the Lord for the things that I need. There have been several very specific prayers that have been answered throughout this year that I truly needed. I often wondered if I would make it through the year without them, and I couldn't make things work out on my own. I'm really thankful for the work that the Lord is doing in me. I'm not convinced that I'll ever figure out how to be an adult in real life, but I'm definitely glad to know that I don't have to do it all alone. There's a lot of grace for people like me!