Adventures

I don't know if it's January or what, but lately I have had a huge craving to do something adventurous with my life.

I guess there is a lot of uncertainty ahead of me this year. More likely than not at this point, I will not have a job at STMA next year. This makes me sad, because it is a really great school and I have invested almost two years of my life here learning and growing professionally and just in general. But at the same time, I know that I do not want to live the rest of my life here.

I think I've been drawn to adventure lately because of this "unknown-ness" that is coming up more rapidly all the time. I am definitely terrified of the idea of not having anything to do next August. Of having to start over and have everything be uprooted and new and leaving everything that has become familiar to me here over the past two years..but the Lord is helping me (and has been for the past several years, I would say) to realize that unknown and bad only go together if I freeze and do nothing. It's actually pretty exciting to think about the possibilities that could come from it. Maybe I don't have to teach math forever. Maybe I could teach middle school instead of high school. Maybe I can get my master's and become a guidance counselor. Maybe I can travel! Maybe I can go to South America forever. (yes please.) Maybe I can do something that doesn't involve a schedule from August to May and be free from that time constraint. Who knows.

I tend to think so much "in the box." I think in terms of what I have always known and in ways that are so familiar and ingrained to me. But in praying and seeking some direction for next year, I have found a lot of freedom in admitting that I'm a little frustrated with where I'm currently at in life. Maybe not in life as a whole, but I often feel "stuck" and it seems like I'm not making good enough or fast enough progress as a teacher, and I'd be ok with another option for a while. I've never been a Quitter. I think that changing my career path has felt to me like I'd be quitting and giving up and that I'd somehow failed to conquer what I have set out to do. That I was wrong. Well, maybe that's kinda true. But maybe that's also ok to admit?

There are a couple of opportunities that will hopefully be coming up this year that I already know about. I am super excited about them. I just feel this urgency to really LIVE my life, instead of doing what I do because I'm too afraid to change. Hopefully I will have the courage to actually let go and take a few risks.