Oh, high school..

I've kinda forgotten what it's really like to be in high school. I'm glad I don't have to be a high schooler anymore. It's not the same kind of "glad-that-I'm-done-with-that" attitude that people (including myself) seem to have about middle school. Middle school is just awkward. High school can be awkward..but I feel like it's different somehow. Hm.

Maybe mostly of what I've been thinking about lately or noticing has to do with being in high school again as a teacher. I think it's shed some light on stuff. I get to see more of the "big picture." I'm so glad that I get to be a teacher because it is cool to see things like that, and to talk about math all the time, and to get to know students and encourage them where they are in life. But..sometimes I think it stinks because there's definitely a barrier there. Some students are a lot more on the defensive when they talk to me as a teacher rather than a friend or camp counselor. I hadn't expected it to be exactly like this, and I think that has caused me to notice it more than I might have otherwise. I guess it's just something I need to get used to..but also try to break it down at the same time. I don't want my students thinking that I'm "out to get them" all the time. I want them to know that I believe in them and that I'm on their side..that's why I'm a teacher! :)

Some things that have really stuck with me through the past two and a half weeks is the bullying that seems to go on. Kids do a good job of being mean to each other. I guess maybe I shouldn't be surprised..I think I have come from a pretty ideal background and have been pretty sheltered to a lot of this stuff..I am surprised at how much kids call each other names and use sarcasm toward each other "in fun." I don't think there's a whole lot of fun in it for some kids, though..For example..
Three guys were walking down the hallway together and one guy made a sarcastic toward his friend, and the second laughed. I saw that kid stop, turn around and walk backward about 30 feet, and then turn around and continued on his way. By himself. The other two didn't even notice he left since there was a crowd.
On another day I saw a kid walking down the hallway all alone after his lunch with his shoulders slumped and his eyes straight down. I said "Hey buddy" as I walked passed. The kid looked up surprised and said "Hi.." and then put his head right back down and kept walking. I should have asked him what his name was.
Even just today, our class was supposed to do an investigation in groups. As soon as they were allowed to move, all but one kid left the table. So he just worked by himself..No one seemed to mind.

I just wish there was a button to push to make all that stuff stop happening. To make kids realize how much capacity they have to influence their peers...positively and negatively.

I love teaching. It's so. much. fun. :) I really love it. I feel like this post is kind of a downer..but I guess seeing things like that just makes me want to be a teacher so much more. Students have such personalities, and they are involved in stuff and have goals and college plans. I love talking to them about their life. They are smart and they think big. I'm so excited for them. I think they are capable of doing some pretty great stuff!

Hopefully ALL of these students will know how much value they have, that high school will end someday, and that there's a better kind of Love than the kind that ignores or makes fun of them. WAY better :)