Well, as it turns out I did NOT walk out of school with my work done the other night. I did finally catch up over the weekend though. But then on Monday I ended up with a fever of 101 and had to skip parent-teacher conferences and went to bed for 12 hours instead. SO then I was behind again. I'm so thankful for a long weekend. We had our last volleyball match yesterday in Blaine and then I drove home to my parent's house. I'm hoping to really crack down and to finish the grading that I have left to do!
I think part of the reason I have been sick this week is mostly due to just being run down. It's been a tough year so far. Besides a couple of tragic events, it's just been super busy in general, which is to be expected as a math teacher and a coach. Busier than last year I would say. I'm teaching two lower-level math classes this year, so that adds to the work a little bit because students in those classes tend to be absent more often and are behind a lot more. Not to mention the emotional strain of trying to motivate them to do their math homework (or even just sit still in class...good night!)
But the wonderful thing about teaching is that I learn a ton of stuff about myself. I don't know if I have ever really felt the need to have a different personality. I often leave school feeling defeated for the day and I find myself thinking "Man, I just don't have it." I always wish I would have handled a situation differenlty, or that I would have made a better connection with a certain student. Or, sometimes I wish my students would have made an effort to make a better connection with me. I wish I could figure out the kinds of disruptions that need immediate attention, and those that can wait. I am pretty high-strung. I'm a perfectionist, and I often don't feel like myself because I'm so preoccupied trying to obtain perfect order in my classroom. (For my fellow teachers: insert knowing laugh here.) It's like I forget that I'm working with students who are 15 years old and need help with organization and structure. (Apparantly that doesn't come naturally..) I spend too much time on things that don't really need it, and not enough on things that truly do need some work.
I guess I've just been realizing this about myself in a lot of areas in my life. I cause myself a lot of unnecessary stress because I get it in my head that I want something to work in a specific way. Whether it be in my classroom, or an activity, or a volleyball practice, or saving money, or whatever. I tend to get a little bit set in my ways and ideas, and I panic a little bit when things don't quite work out that way. I try too hard to force things.
I guess I'm realizing that I need to try to find a balance between caring and having high goals and that sort of thing, and having some ability to be flexible when things aren't just the way I want them to be. I really do work well when I have a had a chance to think through the way things will go. I don't do super well on the fly. If you are someone who has that ability--be thankful! I think this will be a good challenge for me. It will be good to grow and to be reminded to depend on grace, but I think it will be hard to consistently keep things in perspective.
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