out of control

sometimes things happen that are outside of our control.

i've been thinking lately about what it means to trust God when those things aren't what we want, or when we aren't really allowed to see what is going to happen or told why something happened. i think i worry a lot about the things i can't control. i want to be in control, or at least know what is going on.

i am learning that i hate math when i don't know where a proof is going or what my answer should look like. but if i feel like i have a good direction about where it is going, i love it.

that's how i am in my life too. i like things to have direction and to be clear and happy all the time.
lame.
things don't really work like that in real life. so i have gotten really good at becoming crabby and pouting and worrying a lot about what is going on. i've been convicted during the past few weeks about having that attitude. it's a pretty sinful attitude to have. do i really believe God is good all the time? do i really trust Him? do i really want to glorify Him in every way? or do i just trust Him when it's easy and doesn't require any effort and allows me to be comfortable? one reason that God allows crazy stuff to happen is to make us depend on Him. if it were up to me, if i was in control, i'd choose the selfish, easy way out. nothing good would ever come from that. ever. i'm not ok with that.

i want to trust God more; to learn to lean into Him always. because..i'll never be able to save the world. i can't even do my math homework. good thing it's not up to me.

i heard this hymn yesterday, and i love it..

 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
    and to take him at his word;
    just to rest upon his promise,
    and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Chorus -
               Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
               How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
               Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
               O for grace to trust him more! 

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
   just to trust his cleansing blood;
   and in simple faith to plunge me
   neath the healing, cleansing flood!
               - Chorus -

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
   just from sin and self to cease;
   just from Jesus simply taking
   life and rest, and joy and peace.
               - Chorus -

4. I'm so glad I learned to trust thee,
   precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
   and I know that thou art with me,
   wilt be with me to the end.
               - Chorus -